Laura’s List.

JUNE 3, 2015

Did anyone watch BBC Breakfast this morning? The actor Stephen Mangan was on promoting a new BBC Drama called “Birthday”. My ears pricked up because a few years ago, when Dom and I were young and fancy free we went to the Royal Court to watch Stephen Mangan in this play. It’s a story set in a hospital room where a couple are waiting for their second child to be delivered by C section but the roles are reversed. It’s the man that is lying in the hospital bed heavily pregnant. We now live in a world where science has made it possible for men to give birth. The play was hysterical, petrifying and extremely touching. Stephen Mangan gave a brilliant interview this morning saying the drama shines a light on what women go through by reversing the roles. He described labour as a “horrific but beautiful ordeal” – yep, I would say that’s about right. He went on to say “There is pressure for it to be a beautiful, wholesome, holistic experience. Where you become one with the universe” but then used the words ” Agricultural, difficult and brutal” to describe the truth as he saw it. 

I won’t go into the details of my labour. I will save it for another time. But I do remember after the fog had lifted a couple of days after giving birth I had this overwhelming need to talk to my friend Laura. Laura and I had just met a few months ago at our pregnancy yoga class and we hit it off. We had so much in common. She was Scottish, called Laura, pregnant, had a sister who was an actress, our family dogs were cocker spaniels, we had both lived in London and we both had amazing husbands that were brilliant cooks! Also, we had both moved to York recently just because we liked it! 

Laura and I would meet at lovely cafés and try to guess if we were having a girl or a boy. We didn’t realise that once our babies were with us we would never see the inside of those cafés again. No room for buggies and no baby changing facilities! – how your world changes. 

I needed to speak to Laura. I needed to tell her the truth!!!! I had scribbled a long list of things on a yellow note pad that I thought might help her. I picked up my phone and took a deep breath. I didn’t want to scare her but I felt the list was too important. I called her and got no answer. I was too late. Laura was already in labour. Laura had a long birth but a beautiful baby boy at the end of it.

As the months rolled on I had other friends that were due to give birth and I passed on bits of the list to those who wanted to hear it. The thing is I started to realise that child birth is unique to each woman. Something that had worked for me may have not worked for Laura. 

As time has gone on my drive for sharing has subsided. When an experience is fresh in your mind you are very clear and passionate on how you feel about it. But then your defence mechanism kicks in, the memory starts to fade and so does your emotion. However, I still believe the important thing is sharing. We need to pass on our experiences. You never know who it might help.

Stephen Mangan said what happens during labour is one of the best kept secrets there is and that as a nation we don’t like to talk about it. So let’s try and change that. Knowledge is power. 

Thank you to Joe Penhall for writing “Birthday” and shining a light on what us women do. 

I’m seeing Laura next Thursday for lunch. Some where that can handle our two little rascals! – the park!

Namaste!

Lots of love,

Laura x 

P.s Day 3 of yoga completed ! X