A Love Letter To My Mum.

A mother daughter bond is like nothing else. Our relationship with our mother shapes the woman we will become, influencing how we feel about ourselves, others and the world around us. Well, my mum was born seventy years ago today and I wanted to share with you what Ada May Gray has taught me over the past forty years as my mother, friend, confidante and teacher.

I was nine years old at the time and it was 1989 when children played outside all day in their gardens or around the block and in Jamie and I’s case, up at the park, the loch, the burn but never the Elf hill - that would have been crazy - elves lived there!

Anyway, It was a day where I remember there was a gang of us in my garden. I can’t quite remember what we were up to but my mum was not happy about it and she yelled at us and sent us all off to play somewhere else. I felt really embarrassed in front of my pals but as we all walked down the drive with our shoulders slumped my mum came running to me, knelt down and gave me a big cuddle and said “I’m sorry Laura. I just have a lot on my plate at the moment but I should not have shouted at you like that. I’m sorry.” At that moment my mum taught me a valuable lesson - own your mistakes and apologise when you are in the wrong. I remember that day because of the way she made me feel when she said sorry. I felt relief and love, and I felt that close bond we already had grow deeper. I think of that day a lot especially when I’m in a situation where I feel awful or uncomfortable about what I may have just said. Instead of letting something fester I try to own my mistake and an apology is always the first step.

Fast forward to 1996 and I’m now sixteen years old and my dream of going to London to train as a professional dancer is about to be crushed. Falkirk District Council who had given grants to all graduates of the Dance School of Scotland in previous years announced there would be no more funding. I was in shock. There was no way my mum, who was a single parent, could afford the £10,000 yearly fees. But anyone who knows Ada Gray knows she can be a force to be reckoned with. Long story short, my mum made sure I got my dream by using many, many tactics. Letter writing, public protests, petitioning but the one that paid off was a meeting with the Vice Principal of my London college where my mum and I left that meeting with a full scholarship! Determination is another gift I have received from my mum - If you want something enough you will find a way.

It’s now 2003, I’m twenty two and I’m playing Jeannie in Brigadoon the musical in Houston,Texas where I have been living for two years. I share a dressing room with a beautiful New Yorker who is playing Maggie. One day she asked me how my parents felt about me being in America and so far from home? I explained my mum was very supportive and she went on to say how lucky I was to have a mum that encouraged me to live life. Until that moment I hadn’t really thought about it. It dawned on me my mum had given me the gift of freedom. My mum has never stopped me from doing anything and for that I am truly grateful. Now as a mother myself, I will have to dig deep and remember to pass on this gift that I was given to Nell because my natural instinct is to never let her leave my side! Freedom is a glorious thing to give your child. I have lived with it and I want to give this feeling of wonder, adventure and intuition to my Nell.

I want to finish with a story that is hard to tell because it involves my dad and I love my dad dearly but he is an alcoholic and has unfortunately struggled most of his life with this disease. It is the reason why my mum left her marriage when I was about to turn four and Jamie was one and a half years old. Again, it’s funny when realisations decide to hit you over the head. It wasn’t until the age of twenty four I truly felt the impact of my mum’s bravery to do what she did to protect her children.

Jamie and I had returned from one of our visits from Inverness to see our Dad and he had been in a bad way. After an emotional day and a three hour drive, Jamie dropped me off outside my mum’s house at midnight. I slowly crept in, hoping not to wake mum and Auntie Jane, when I found my mum in her pyjamas waiting for us to return. With a big hug she asked me how it went. I said fine and shooed her off to bed. As she left me in the quiet and still of the night a wave of utter gratitude washed over me. I looked around my mum’s beautiful home and I cuddled our gorgeous doggies and in that moment the full impact of what my mum had given me filled me up. What would my life have been like if she hadn’t been so brave? She shielded Jamie and I from so much pain but it wasn’t until that moment I felt it so strongly - my mum’s bravery.

Now being a mum myself I have realised it’s not just about teaching our children the mechanics of life but it’s about how we show up as mothers, as women in the world, that is what truly counts. Our attitude, our values, our kindness, these are the attributes we teach our children unconsciously through our behaviour. They are witness to every last part of us. We can tell our children what to do or we can show them and take it from a nine year old me, the latter lasts a lifetime.

Thank you mum for all that you have given me. Witnessing your determination and bravery shaped the woman I am today. Knowing I have a mother that trusts my decisions and encourages my dreams is all that a daughter can ask for. COVID is keeping us apart today but it won’t be long until we can give each other a great big hug!. Happy 70th birthday Mum. I love you.

Namaste.

Laura x