Creating A New Identity.
JUNE 22, 2015
I remember the first time that I quickly dashed into a coffee shop while Nell waited outside in her buggy with my friend. A strange feeling came over me. I had this overwhelming urge to tell the person behind the counter that I didn’t normally look like this, or dress like this, or act like this, it was just that I was now a mother. I felt really uncomfortable in my own skin. You see, for the past seven months Nell had been attached to me. We came as a package. Either she was feeding, strapped to my front in the sling or I was pushing her around in her buggy. All of a sudden, at that moment in time, I was just Laura but not a Laura that I recognised. I had used Nell as my excuse for not functioning properly in the outside world. She was my excuse for not plucking my eye brows and there was no evidence of her…..well, I’m sure there was some baby sick on me somewhere.
I now know why I felt so uncomfortable that day and it’s because I had only been functioning as a mother. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I have been extremely lucky and I have not had to return to work. But with this amazing gift comes a risk. A risk of losing yourself. Hence, this blog and discovering my passion for yoga. This is a way for me to figure out what I’m all about now. Now that I’m a mother and not a dancer.
My old life is well and truly in the past and I now have to reinvent the new me. It’s quite exciting really. A clean slate. Little things have started to change. I went through a whole year after having Nell of just wearing baggy, bland, clothes and in the past couple of months I have rediscovered fashion. I am starting to embrace my curvier figure and concentrate more on nutrition rather than just how I look. I’m starting to think about my future once Nell starts school and what new career I might decide to have because I still have a lot to give. I may not know exactly what it is right now but I will figure it out. But one thing I do know for sure, I will always be a mum first. Whether I go back to working full time or run a business from home being a mother will be key to my identity. It will always be my Nell first and me second. I truly believe that is what being a mum is all about and I know that whatever I end up doing, being Nell’s mum will be the best thing that has ever happened to me…….and marrying her Daddy too of course! 😉
Namaste!
Lots of love,
Laura x