You Become What You Believe.

One of my favourite people to hang out with is Oprah Winfrey. My schedule only allows for her to pop by a couple of times a month but it is always a real treat. And our favourite thing to do together is fold laundry. Sometimes there are tears and sometimes there is laughter but there is always, always a lesson to be learned from my dear friend Oprah. This week she said these wise words to me “ You become what you believe.” It took me a while to digest these words. Then last night, as I sat by the pool edge whilst Nell was having her weekly swimming class, my mind flashed back to the previous year where I had sat in the very same spot. The spot where my daughter Nell taught me a very valuable lesson. A lesson that changed the way I parented her for good. In that moment Oprah’s words all of a sudden made perfect sense.

In that particular swimming class, the teacher had flung a load of balls into the pool and the children were all asked to collect as many balls as they could. The children splashed and giggled enjoying the challenge. Then a boy came swimming up to Nell and grabbed one of her balls from her and quickly swam away. Nell paused for a second then continued to swim around looking for another ball to collect. It took every ounce of my being not to leap off of the bench, jump into the pool and get Nell’s ball back! How dare he! Doesn’t he know that she is an only child with a paranoid mother with “one child” guilt syndrome?!? Doesn’t he realise that her mother believes that because she is an only child she doesn’t know how to stick up for herself because she has never had to battle with a sibling? Why didn’t she say “Hey that’s mine!” And grab it back? In that second that is the exact advice I would have shouted from the side lines if I hadn’t had the wooden bench to dig my nails into. “Stick up for yourself Nell!” would have been thrown in there too.

After the class Nell didn’t mention the incident at all and said she had loved her swimming lesson. So I let it be. Knowing in the back of my mind that I would have to talk to Dom about how we were going to toughen Nell up.

Bedtime came and Nell and I did our usual routine, always finishing with the same two questions before she goes to sleep: Who was kind to you today? And who did you show kindness to? Her answer to the second question shocked me. “Mummy, I was kind to the boy in the swimming pool today. He didn’t have enough balls so I let him have one of mine.” I asked her how it made her feel. “Good Mummy.” she said. In that instant I melted. I left her bedroom that evening with a whole new outlook on life.

You see, Nell believes she is kind. Therefore, she is kind. She reached for the positive outlook. I reached for the negative - she doesn’t know how to stick up for her self. Rather than the positive - she decided to let him have her ball because she is kind.

I don’t need to teach my daughter to be rude and aggressive. I don’t need to teach her to stick up for herself. My daughter is kind and that will take her to all the places she wants to go. Kindness will guide and shape her life. Her kindness will take care of her.

“Love and kindness” is now the mantra in our house. Whenever we start to bicker one of us will all of a sudden shout out “love and kindness” and the situation will dissolve.

You become what you believe. What do you believe about yourself? That you are stupid? That you are clumsy? That you are beautiful? That you are kind? Whatever your mantra is, remember that you become what you believe, so make sure you are believing in something worthwhile.

Namaste.

Lots of love,

Laura