From Daddy.

JUNE 10, 2015

Exactly 18 months ago today our beautiful daughter Nell Rose Colenso was born. What a roller coaster ride it has been! So, I thought today was the perfect moment to share the very, very long story of my labour… But from my amazing husband’s point of view.

After the birth of their child, each father from our NCT class wrote an email to the group describing the experience. This is what Dom wrote the day after Nell was born. I would like to share it with you now. It’s pretty long so you might want to pour yourself a drink and get comfy before you start!!!

It started with a pop. Or at least that’s the first I heard about it when Laura woke me at 02:30 to tell me that her waters had broken. She had secretly suspected she had been contracting since about 01:30 but there was now no doubting that “bump” was on its way.

We got ourselves up and faking as much calm and ease as possible I suggested that Laura phone the hospital. A few words were exchanged with a midwife and all of a sudden we were on our way to the Maternity Ward. Laura was a picture of serenity and as per our pre birth discussions, I got cracking packing the last bits of the hospital bag and even made time to cobble together a couple of rounds of ham, cheese and mustard sandwiches in case it was a long night – thank god I did!!

The drive to the hospital was surreal. So many things go through your mind as you try to concentrate on staying focused on the road. All the time Laura was focusing on breathing through her contractions and hardly making a sound. At the hospital we took what seemed like an eternal walk to the labour ward and were shown into room 12 for examination – a scene we shall return to later in the story. The examination was pretty textbook. The waters were a good colour and Laura’s blood pressure and temperature were fine so we were asked to return home to let things progress. The only slightly odd thing at this point was that Laura was told she wasn’t contracting, just tightening and for some reason the midwife decided after reading our birth plan that 3:15am was a good time to tell us how common episiotomies were and that we should really consider to consenting to one now just in case. Laura was unimpressed to say the least!

By 04:20 we were home. We hooked Laura up to the Tens machine – a trusty companion that stayed with her nearly the whole way through birth and made the world of difference – and I tried to get my head down for a few moments of restless sleep. All the while Laura’s Hypno Birthing cd played in the background. This continued until 12:30pm by which time the contractions had become very regular and were coming about 3.5mins apart. Laura was now finding the pain more difficult to deal with so we phoned triage, not wanting to deliver on the carpet, and they suggested we come in.

Hospital bags were placed back in the car and we took an all together different drive to the hospital. Me paying a lot more attention to my speed over the speed bumps and Laura struggling to find any position that was comfortable. We arrived at triage convinced we were centimetres away from labour to find all the beds full!? So, Laura spent the next 15 minutes, eyes closed, headphones in, hypno birthing tracks on, clinging onto the corridor wall to ease the contractions. When we were finally admitted to triage the midwife was lovely. She performed a very gentle examination but delivered the devastating news that we were only 2cms dilated. I could really see the impact this had on Laura, she’d worked so hard and stayed so calm, so I didn’t want anything to pull her out of the ‘zone’. The midwife said we could choose between a walk around the hospital for a couple of hours or heading back home to let things continue. She was really impressed with Laura’s Hypno technique and said she would advise going home and getting into the bath as it was more conducive to maintaining a calm environment. At this point Laura had a stroke of genius and asked if there was an empty bath available on the ward. The midwife said it wasn’t standard procedure but she would see what she could do. Within 15 minutes I was running the water in a tiny little cubical and Laura was lowering herself into the soothing waters having been given 2 cocodamol to ease the pain.

We stayed like that for the next two hours and the contractions continued to grow. By 17:15 Laura was re examined and had reached 5cms – the midwife could feel baby’s head and it had hair! – so she was admitted to Labour Ward and we found ourselves back in delivery room 12. This is where the first deviations from normal began. After 2 hours in a warm bath in a 3m by 2m room with no windows or air conditioning they were surprised to discover that Laura’s temperature had risen. They also looked at her notes and saw that she had a borderline low platelet count (something we had been aware of and monitoring all pregnacy and that our community midwife had assured us wouldn’t be a problem as it had been lowish but stable the whole time). This meant that they wanted to do blood tests and combined with her temperature resulted in them refusing to let her get in the pool until they had the results. At 18:00 she was given some paracetamol and told we had an hour to bring the temperature down before Laura was put on a drip. We were told that the bloods would take around 30mins and that then a decision could be made about water birthing.

At 20:00 there was a change of shift and we finally got the test results. Platelets were fine but temperature was still borderline and as the waters had broken over 12 hours ago the new midwife wouldn’t allow Laura to get into the water and she wanted to hook her up to continuous monitoring. We used our best NCT bargaining techniques and secured another 30 minutes to try and get things back to normal. Unfortunately, at 20:45 temperature was still a bit high so we agreed to be monitored but on the condition that it was wireless mobile monitoring and we didn’t have to move to a high risk room. At first the midwife was a bit resistant saying there was only one mobile machine but she came back 15 mins later with the right equipment. From that moment on she really bought into our birth preferences and the environment we were trying to create. She really was brilliant. By 21:30 Laura was at 7cms and things we’re looking good for a “normal birth”.

Unfortunately, an hour or so later we lost our midwife to another woman giving birth and for the next three hours several different people kept “popping in” and started giving slightly conflicting views of what was going on. I could see this was having an effect on Laura. This really isn’t meant as a criticism of the individuals. I am convinced that every single person had Laura and the baby’s best interest at heart. However, the system is completely over stretched – the ward was fit to burst that night – and the much lauded “one midwife to one woman” care that NICE recommends was not available and I really think we felt the consequences.

At 00:15 a midwife we hadn’t seen before came in to do an examination. Now 8cm, Laura had only dilated 1cm in the last 3 hours. The midwife came back a few minutes later and announced that she had had a discussion with the doctors and if Laura hadn’t fully dilated in 2 hours she would be induced. Not great for the oxytocin levels!! Not long after this we got our original midwife back and she worked really hard to help Laura get things going again. At 2:30 she examined Laura and said she was now 9cm with a small lip which was soft enough to push behind the baby’s head. Laura still hadn’t used any pain relief and the midwife really wanted her to have a normal birth so said she would tell the doctor that Laura could start to push if they could hook the lip behind the baby’s head. To our disappointment the doctors said no and came in threatening forceps or a c-section.

Laura was now knackered and the contractions had really slowed down. We had a chat and decided she would take the drip on the condition that we didn’t have to move rooms and that they would build the dose very slowly as she was desperate to avoid an epidural after getting so far with nothing but a few tablets. At 6:00 induction started and the pain increased so Laura started on gas and air. By 7:30 the contractions were building well but the baby was showing signs of distress and the doctors wanted to take blood from the baby’s head. This was probably the worst moment of the birth for all of us. Laura had to move onto her side which was incredibly painful. She was scared, tired, convinced the intrusion was unnecessary and was starting to hallucinate a little!! They messed up the test the first time round and had to go in again. Laura was crying and I was trying to reassure her everything would be fine. The results came back normal and to my amusement Laura was somewhat blunt in telling the doctor what she thought of him and his test!! Very uncharacteristic but in hindsight very amusing!

By this time we had yet another midwife who turned out to be the unexpected hero of our tale. Sarah Crooks really did come to the rescue. At 08:30 we were told by the doctors that Laura was fully dilated and had 30 minutes to get the baby out before they would use forceps. Sarah took control and asked Laura how she wanted to do things. Still hooked up to machines and drips Laura decided to push standing and Sarah got ready to catch. My job was to count Laura from 1 to 10, 3 times in each contraction while Sarah provided direction and encouragement. This was a really emotional time for me. I must have sounded like a lunatic as I half shouted and half cried through my countdowns. I was so proud of Laura and everything she had achieved and I really wanted her to deliver the baby without further intervention.

By 8:45 things were going well and Sarah could see the baby’s head along the birth canal however a new doctor came barging in insisting that Laura got on the bed to be examined. Sarah explained that she could see the baby but the doctor wanted to see for herself. Laura refused to get on the bed and made the doctor get on her hands and knees first much to the doctors displeasure (and slightly to my delight! I was so happy to see that Laura was still in control and determined to do things her way. (having been at it for over 32 hours) The doctor could not see the baby so insisted Laura get on the bed. Sarah helped her to ignore the intrusion and to continue to use the contractions to push.

The last 15 minutes were completely crazy. Now on the bed and in stirrups Laura was told she was getting a forceps delivery but she refused to give consent saying she would only allow vontouse. Sarah was still convinced in our ability to push and told us that it was now time to “show the doctors” and that we could get the baby out before they could get themselves ready. As they began their prep Sarah noticed them getting forceps ready and backed up our choice to only have vontouse, much to the annoyance of the doctors. I was so angry at the doctors disregard for our wishes but my focus was on Laura and she was doing amazingly. The baby’s head was now starting to become visible and it was clear that we could do it. The doctors still wanted to use instruments but Sarah continued to fight our corner. Laura was given an episiotomy to stop a tear developing and at 09:15 the baby’s head was born followed by the body a minute later. Needless to say we were over the moon. The cord was cut for us as it had been wrapped round her neck but I got to discover the sex and Laura got immediate skin to skin. Nell hadn’t started to cry so they took her away for a minute and then invited me to “re-cut” the cord to a short length.

Once she was given back she latched on for her first feed while Laura was stitched and then we had an hour or so of lovely bonding time. Laura and Nell stayed overnight on the ward and came home yesterday.

Being a dad is the most amazing thing and I know my life will never be the same again but in a very good way. I am head over heels in love with her and (for a very limited time period I’m sure) even find her crying endearing and fascinating.

The whole birth experience was a roller coaster of emotion but my overwhelming feelings were of love, admiration and respect for my amazing wife in bringing our beautiful daughter into the world – and all with just a little bit of gas and air! It certainly puts pain into a whole new perspective!

Anyway, that’s Nell finished feeding so we’re off to snatch a few minutes sleep before she wakes again.

You get used to this “being a parent and not having any sleep” thing right?…. 😉